The Art of Unmasking
Realizing that I am becoming the woman I've always wanted to be feels like a breath of fresh air.
Looking back and thinking of the times when I hurt the people I loved the most out of confusion, fear, and anger has allowed me to properly reflect on why I reacted that way.
Once I finally took a step back to understand myself beneath the mask I confidently wore to protect myself, I found broken pieces poorly glued together. And every time I entered an unknown situation or couldn't face the fact that I didn't know how to fix myself, I used layers and layers of glue to bury the broken pieces of me. Until one day, I realized there was no point in trying to put the pieces together.
Why would I want to keep on fixing the parts of me that made me unhappy? How was I supposed to keep fixing and gluing the pieces of me that, quite truthfully, I just wanted to smash into the ground? It felt like forcing puzzle pieces together that clearly weren't a match.
Becoming the woman I have always wanted to be means a lot of things:
Taking a step back in an uncomfortable situation to think about my next step.
Finding ways to ground myself or decompress in moments of crisis (taking a deep breath, opening and closing my fists, dropping my shoulders).
Not acting or reacting out of a place controlled by fear.
Setting aside my ego in order to treat people with empathy.
Listening to people's body language and reading their emotions. Are they uncomfortable in this situation? What can I do to make them less uncomfortable? Is there something they want to tell me but don't feel comfortable initiating?
Not taking things personally. Maybe you are trying to share something with your parent, sibling, or friend and they shoot you down. Instead of taking it personally, take a second to think about it. Did something you say possibly trigger an insecurity of theirs? Is there an area in their life where they are unhappy? Perhaps your situation is simply unknown territory to them. No one will ever react perfectly to what you have to share, but rather than becoming angry, let it go. Only you know how you truly feel, and you cannot let others ruin that for you.
Watching myself live by the rules above has allowed me to better understand the people around me. It makes me proud when I realize that my friend or sibling is stressed, and instead of becoming frustrated with them, I can help them. Becoming the woman I have always wanted to be has allowed me to understand why I failed in certain areas of my life. I am becoming the woman I have always wanted to be for future me. So I can look back in 6 months, 1 year, and be proud of the personal progress I have made. I refuse to be controlled by broken pieces glued together hanging on by a thread. I am not scared of myself anymore because I finally understand my subconscious fears and underlying behaviors that used to control me like a puppet. I do not wear a mask of confidence or feel incomplete anymore. I am confident because I don't try to be anyone else except me. I feel whole again, and when I look in the mirror, I no longer turn away, refusing to make eye contact with myself.
Everything I will ever need to succeed lives within my heart and mind. No one can take that away from me. And sometimes I have slip-ups and retreat to the shell of a woman I no longer know, but I always find my way back out.
